


King of Thieves

by vivvav



Category: Persona 5, Persona Series
Genre: Gen, The AFR Universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-17
Updated: 2018-04-17
Packaged: 2019-04-24 05:54:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,737
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14349315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/vivvav/pseuds/vivvav
Summary: When driving Ren back home to Tokyo, the Phantom Thieves stop at a hotel for the night. They decide to pass time by playing the King's Game.





	King of Thieves

**Author's Note:**

  * For [JuneLuxray](https://archiveofourown.org/users/JuneLuxray/gifts).



> I'm still on vacation, but had some free time and pumped this out between stuffing my gob with pineapple and sightseeing. This was written at the request of JuneLuxray, who I randomly decided to let pick the subject of my next fanfiction. I'd say tonally it's closer to something from her "In-Between Palaces" series than my usual fics, but I ain't complainin'. If you aren't familiar with her work, you should check it out.

 

The Phantom Thieves were in a state of elation. They had driven Ren to see his family after a year, and now after a very successful visit, they were driving him back home to Tokyo. The old van they’d rented for the trip might as well have been a party van, full of noise and laughter as it made its return to the city. Even when the sun went down and they stopped in a hotel for the night, the party continued. Everyone was gathered in one of the rooms of a large suite Haru had rented out for the girls, and at Haru’s suggestion, were now surrounding a cup full of popsicle sticks.

“And what did you say this is called?” Ren asked.

“The King’s Game!” Haru answered cheerfully. “I understand it’s quite popular among college students, so Mako-Chan and I should probably get used to it now!”

“I’m not so sure this is a necessary part of college preparations” Makoto said.

“Aw, c’mon!” Ryuji shouted. “This sounds like a hoot! It’s like truth or dare but nobody can wuss out!”

“I’m a little worried about the idea of doing the kinds of dares some of you might come up with” Ann said. “But I also really wanna make other people do some fun dares too, so I’m willing to risk it.”

“I think it sounds fun!” Morgana let out a haughty cackle. “I call being King first!”

“You can’t call being King, Mona-Chan.” Haru pushed the cup forward. “It’s chosen at random. You just have to hope that you’re lucky.”

“So we’re really doing this!?” Futaba asked.

“It would seem so.” Yusuke stared at the cup with detached fascination. “I must say, I never imagined when I ate all those popsicles today that this would be how we used the remains.”

“I still can’t believe you put down eight popsicles in a row” Ryuji said. “I totally woulda gotten brain freeze if I tried that.”

“I used circular breathing” Yusuke said proudly. “I continuously inhaled through my nose to oxygenate my brain, thus preventing brain freeze.”

“Oh!” Haru turned to Yusuke excitedly. “Isn’t that the technique singers use to sustain a note for an incredibly long time!?”

“It is.”

“Show us!” Haru clasped her hands together. “Sing something, Yusuke-Kun!”

“I refuse.” Yusuke turned his head away. “I am not a performance artist.”

“Fine then!” Haru giggled. “I’ll just make you sing when I’m King, then!”

“Wait, that’s not how it works, right?” Ren looked at the cup. “It’s all random by numbers, isn’t-“

“Can we quit talkin’ about it and just play the game already!?” Ryuji drew a popsicle stick from the cup. “I’m ready for anything!”

“Me too!” Morgana clamped his paws around a stick and awkwardly pulled it out. Everybody else followed suit.

“Oh, shoot.” Haru looked at the big 3 written on her stick. “Who’s the King?”  


“I believe I am.” Makoto held up a popsicle stick with a crown drawn on the end of it.

“Queen’s the King, huh?” Futaba snickered. “I guess that works.”

“Well?” Ren shot Makoto a flirty look. “What are your orders, Your Majesty?”

“Hm…” Makoto stared at the crown, rubbing her chin with her other hand. “I’m not sure. I didn’t expect to be in this position this early in the game.”

“Remember Mako-Chan,” Haru said, “you can make anybody do anything you want!”

“Yeah!” Ryuji shouted. “Make somebody do somethin’ embarrassin’!”

“Something embarrassing…” Makoto closed her eyes in thought. The others all leaned forward, wondering what their harshest member could come up with. Finally, her eyes shot open. “I’ve got it!”

“Ooh!” Futaba rubbed her hands together. “Here it comes!”

“My order,” Makoto said, “is for Number 5 to tell us the worst score they ever got on a school assignment!”

“That’s it?” Ann asked. “That’s not too bad.”

“Yeah!” Ryuji yelled. “You call that a good dare? That’s not even baby stuff!”

“From our point of view, no” Yusuke said. “But from Makoto’s perspective, I imagine any sort of academic failure is quite frustrating to reflect on.”

“Was that no good?” Makoto asked. “Should I come up with something else?”

“No need, Mako-Chan!” Haru winked at her fellow high school graduate. “The King’s orders are absolute! Number 5, if you would!”

“Ok.” Ren turned his popsicle stick around, revealing the number 5 drawn on it. Everybody looked at him with barely any interest, except for Makoto who suddenly seemed very invested in what he was about to say. “Uh… Let’s see… I think my worst grade ever was in 3rd grade. I got a 70 on a creative writing assignment for getting too creative and not following instructions.”

“That’s it?” Ryuji shook his head. “Shoulda known the brainiac wouldn’t have a good story like that.”

“Well, it wasn’t a very good dare to start with” Futaba said. “We already know who’s good at school and who isn’t.”

“I’m sorry, everyone.” Makoto put the King stick back in the cup. “I suppose I don’t really understand this game.”

“You’ll get the hang of it” Ann said. 

“That’s right!” Haru collected the rest of the popsicle sticks and started shaking the cup. “The King’s Game is supposed to start small! The dares should get more extreme as the night goes on! Now let’s start round two!”

When Haru was finished mixing things up, everybody drew sticks again. Almost instantly, a very familiar and ominous chuckle rang through the room. Everybody looked at Futaba nervously.

“Number 7…” Futaba turned her stick in her hand to show everybody the crown. “You have to read the last ten items in your search history.”

“Oh shit!” Ryuji laughed, revealing a 2 on his stick. “That’s coming hard! Way to up the ante, Futaba!”

“Oh thank god!” Ann showed the 6 on her stick. “I’m safe.”

“I’m not.” Makoto held up her 7. “But I don’t exactly remember my last ten online searches.”

“That’s not a problem.” Futaba opened her laptop and clicked around a bit, handing the machine over to Makoto. “Here it is.”

“Futaba!” Makoto gave the tiny girl an indignant look. “Did you hack into my computer again!?”

“Nah, I just logged into your Google account.” Futaba yawned. “Although I did know the password from previously hacking your computer. Now get to reading! The King commands it!”

“Fine.” Makoto cleared her throat. “My most recent search is ‘Motorcycle License Exam Information’.”

“That’s self-explanatory” Ren said.

“Next is ‘Tokyo University Dorm Life’”.

“Are you moving out of your sister’s place?” Ann asked.

“I’m still undecided” Makoto said. “Sis and I have been a lot closer lately, though there are advantages to living on campus that I wouldn’t be able to enjoy if I commuted to class.”

“What’s next?” Morgana asked.

“‘Ren Amamiya’.”

Ryuji, Futaba, and Ann started laughing.

“What’s so funny?”

“Just what were you looking for?” Ann asked.

“You know if you wanted pics of him, you could just ask me, right?” Futaba added.

“Excuse me?” Ren shot a disturbed look at Futaba.

“It’s nothing like that” Makoto said. “I was searching news articles to see if any information about Ren’s arrest and release had been leaked. Thankfully, the public seems unaware that he’s a Phantom Thief.”

“Well, I appreciate you looking out for my safety” Ren said. “Now, Futaba, what was that you just said about-“

“NEXT ITEM!” Futaba yelled. “THE KING COMMANDS IT!”

“Fine.” Makoto looked at the list and her expression went from frustrated to a little sad. She took a breath and then said quietly “‘Big Bang Burger Hawaii’”.

“Hm?” Haru looked at Makoto curiously. “Why were you searching that, Mako-Chan?”

“I was curious to see if Big Bang Burger was continuing its international expansion in the wake of… Well…” Makoto sighed. “You know.”

“I see.” Haru’s speech grew somber and her shoulders deflated. “It’s true that after those events, Okumura Foods’ stock dropped significantly. And the company did have to cancel plans to expand and shut down the Hawaii location as well as some domestic locations as well.” Haru’s mood suddenly picked up again. “But on the bright side, the worst of it seems to be over, and the board is confident we’ll be able to turn things around in no time!”

“I see. That’s good to hear.” Makoto’s mouth formed a small smile. “Next on the list is ‘Like A Dragon 6 Poster’.”

“A poster?” Yusuke asked. “Is it artful?”

“I don’t know about ‘artful’. But I have the posters for every other installment of the series.”

“Wow, you really are a yakuza nerd, huh?” Futaba asked. “Are you sure they’d let somebody like you be a cop?”

“Moving on…” Makoto said sternly. “‘Yamaguchi Braided Headbands.’” Makoto looked up the group before anybody could say anything. “In case my current one breaks. I thought it would be good to have a spare, but the store I bought it from doesn’t have any in stock right now.”

The was much nodding. Makoto decided to move on.

“Next is…” Makoto sighed again, but this time it seemed more in frustration than sadness. “‘Tanaka’s Shady Commodities’”.

“The dark net site!?” Morgana asked. “What were you doing there!?”

“I was curious about the dark net after Ren told me about it” Makoto said. “Though it doesn’t look like you can find it through normal search engines.”

“That’s probably for the best” Ren said. “I’m still getting weird messages in my inbox ever since I bought from that place.”

“After that is ‘eggplant casserole recipe’.” Makoto looked up to see if there were any reactions, but everybody remained silent. “And then is… Oh no.”

“What?” Ryuji leaned forward in his seat.

“I’d really rather not say.” Makoto’s cheeks started turning pink.

“You have to!” Futaba shouted. “Those are the rules of the game!”

“But it’s humiliating…”

“That’s why I picked this dare! You gotta tell us!”

“Alright, fine!” Makoto’s face started turning redder. “It’s… ‘Sensibly-priced lingerie.’”

Ryuji, Ann, and Futaba started roaring in laughter. Haru and Morgana tried to suppress laughter, but weren’t doing a very good job of it. Yusuke seemed confused for a moment, but then a look of realization dawned on his face and he clammed up. Ren also kept his mouth shut, but he could hide neither the shade of pink his own cheeks had turned nor the slight smile forming on his face.

“Go ahead and laugh!” Makoto tried to summon her glare, but the effect was undercut by her flushed expression. “Get it out of your systems already!”

“R-read…” Futaba could barely speak over her laughter. “Read the last one!”

“Fine! It’s…” Makoto looked at the screen again. Somehow, her face turned an even deeper shade of red. She put the laptop down and buried her face in her hands.

“Well?” Futaba was grinning from ear to ear. “What is it?”

“Don’t make me say it.” Makoto’s speech was muffled by her hands. “Please don’t make me say it.”

“Alright, fine!” Futaba snickered. “Number 1! Read it for her!”

“Very well.” Yusuke got up and walked to behind Makoto, looking down at the laptop screen. “Right before ‘Sensibly-priced lingerie’ is ‘How to be sexy’.”

Ryuji was laughing so hard he fell off the sofa. Ann followed, landing on top of him, and Ryuji kept laughing through the pain. Makoto whined, still covering her face.

“Why did this happen to me?” Makoto asked. “Is this punishment for not coming up with a good enough first round?”

“This isn’t a punishment game” Ren said, his eyes avoiding Makoto. “But it can certainly feel like one.”

“So, Makoto…” Futaba knit her fingers into a bridge. “Just why were you searching for that?”

“I don’t have to answer that question!” Makoto finally lowered her hands, but she was staring straight at the floor. Her face was red as a beet.

“The King’s orders are-“

“She already read the list” Ren said. “Your turn’s over, Futaba.”

“Fine” Futaba pouted. “I’ll just hack into your computer later.”

“Futaba!”

“It’s time for the next round, everyone!” Haru had already prepared the popsicle sticks. “Everybody draw!”

“AW YEAH!” Everybody covered their ears as Ryuji shouted in delight, holding out the crown stick proudly. “LOOK WHO’S KING, BABY!”

“Crap” Ann said.

“So…” Ryuji looked around the room devilishly. “I can make someone do whatever I want, right?”

“I call for a redraw!” Morgana shouted.

“Come now, Mona-Chan,” Haru said, “Ryuji-Kun drew the crown fair and square. There’s no calling for a change of throne just because you fear what the King may order. That’s part of the game, after all!”

“Aw man, I can’t decide.” Ryuji leaned back on the couch, looking up at the stick he lazily held above his head. “I could have someone get naked, but there’s a chance it could be a dude, and I don’t wanna see that.”

“Don’t make somebody get naked!” Ann yelled.

“Relax! I ain’t gonna.” Ryuji leaned forward, elbows propped on his knees, holding his head in his hands. “I could make two people suck face, but if it’s Ren and Makoto that won’t be funny.”

“Just pick something already!” Morgana yelled.

“Can it!” Ryuji yelled back. “Don’t make me deck-“

Ryuji suddenly stopped speaking. He stared off into the distance for a second. Then that same sharkish grin he used to get when fighting Shadows appeared and he started laughing.

“This isn’t good” Ren said.

“Alright, listen up!” Ryuji stood dramatically. “I command Number 1 to deck Number 6 in the face!”

“What!?” Ann dropped her stick in shock.

“Damn it.” Ren shook his head. “I knew it was going to be something like that.”

“You can’t make somebody hurt someone else, you bonehead!” Morgana looked to Haru. “Noir, I _demand_ a redraw!”

“I’m sorry, Mona-Chan.” Haru shook her head. “I’m afraid there’s nothing in the rules against acts of violence. If it were something brutal like breaking an arm we could reasonably request Ryuji-Kun to make a different order, but a simple hit to the face is well within the game’s limits.”

“Well,” Makoto said, “I’m number 1.”

“Damn!” Ryuji laughed, but shuddered at the same time. Having been punched at some point by everybody present except Morgana and Yusuke (and figuring neither of them hit particularly hard being a cat and a malnourished artist, respectively), Ryuji knew for a fact that Makoto hit the hardest of any of them. “Who’s the unlucky sap on the receiving end of that!?”

“Not I.” Yusuke turned his popsicle stick around, revealing the number 2.

“Nor I!” Haru showed the number 7.

Ren, Morgana, and Ann all revealed their sticks, none of which contained the number 6. Everybody turned towards Futaba.

“H-hey, look at that!” Futaba laughed nervously and held her popsicle stick upside-down. “Haru messed up and drew a 9! I guess there’s no Number 6 in this game, so nobody has to get-“

“Just how dumb do you think I am!?” Ryuji asked.

“You don’t want me to answer that.”

“Oh, insulting the King, huh?” Ryuji turned to Makoto. “Guess it’s time for your revenge, Queen!”

“Yes, it is.” Makoto walked forward and cracked her knuckles, looming over Futaba. Her humiliation had long passed, and now the only red in her face was the red irises in her VERY angry eyes.

“M-Makoto, be reasonable!” Futaba threw up her hands in front of her face. “I d-didn’t know what your search history was gonna be! I’m r-really sorry! Can’t you take a joke!?”

“Lower your hands, Futaba-Chan.” Makoto pulled her arm back, balling her hand into a fist. Everybody watching could see the muscles in her arms tensing up, even through her sleeves. “The King’s orders call for you to get punched in the face specifically.”

“You’re not serious, are you!?” Futaba lowered her hands and looked up at Makoto, her face turning white. “This is taking the game way too far, don’t you think!?”

“I advise you remove your glasses, Futaba-Chan.” Makoto’s arm started to tremble from the tension of her muscles. “It’s for your own safety.”

“This isn’t happening.” Futaba’s voice quivered as she took off her glasses. “This is all a dream. Any second now Feather Pink’s gonna show up and save me or I’m gonna be abducted by aliens or- AAH!”

Futaba’s babbling ceased thanks to Makoto’s hand shooting towards her head. She shut her eyes as she screamed, waiting for the greatest pain she had ever known and possibly even death. Neither of those things came, and once Futaba registered that fact, she opened her eyes. It was blurry thanks to her lack of glasses, but she could make out Makoto’s fist hanging just in front of her face. It moved upwards, slowly pushing into her forehead. Makoto began to turn her fist left and right as she made contact, grinding her knuckles against Futaba’s forehead for a few seconds.

“Owwwww” Futaba whined. It certainly didn’t hurt as much as a punch to the face would, but it was still a stone’s throw away from comfortable. When Makoto removed her fist, there was a red spot on Futaba’s forehead, which the orange-haired girl started to rub.

“What just happened?” Ryuji asked.

“You never specified how hard I had to punch Futaba” Makoto said. “But my fist DID make contact with her face, as you can clearly see from the state of her forehead.”

“So you were just pretending you were gonna destroy me!?” Futaba put her glasses back on and glared at Makoto.

“Of course. I would never hit you in earnest, Futaba. Not only is it completely uncivilized, but you could get seriously hurt, and I would never wish that on you.”

“Then what was that whole show for!?”

“Payback.” Makoto smirked at Futaba. “Never forget that fear, Futaba. I may not be willing to injure you, but I can think of plenty of ways to make you suffer if you ever humiliate me like that again.”

“Yes ma’am.” Futaba gulped.

“This took a really dark turn” Ren said.

“Indeed.” Yusuke looked at the scene with bewilderment. “If it’s not too presumptuous, I would like to propose a new rule: From this point on, the King is not allowed to command any acts of violence.”

“Seconded” Ren said.

“Hear, hear!” Morgana yelled.

“I think that’s a wonderful idea, Yusuke-Kun!” Haru turned to Ryuji and frowned. “Ryuji-Kun, I expected better of you! What would you have done if somebody had gotten seriously hurt!?”

“Y’know, I wasn’t really thinkin’ it through like that.” Ryuji slumped forward, sulking. “I’m sorry.”

“Well, so long as you learned your lesson, I suppose all’s well that ends well.” Haru collected everyone’s sticks and shook them around again. “Next round!”

“Yay! Finally!” Ann waved the crown stick around eagerly. “I’m the King!”

“Well, this’ll be an easy one” Ryuji said. “You’re just gonna pick somebody to get you cake.”

“That’s not a bad idea, but I’ve got a different type of pampering in mind. And it’s the total opposite of hurting somebody” Ann arched her back and groaned. “We’ve been in that van a lot, for hours and hours at a time, and my body’s gotten kinda stiff. And so, I command Number 4 to give the King a massage!”

“As you wish, Ann-Chan!” Haru stood up, revealing her 4 stick. “Please lay down on the bed and we’ll begin!”

“Sweet!” Ann dropped onto one of the beds in the room, resting on her stomach. “Begin any time!”

“Uh… Haru?” Ren looked at Haru suspiciously. “Have you ever actually given anybody a massage before?”

“Well, no, not as such,” Haru said, “but I’ve received many massages, Ren-Kun, so I believe I’ve picked up a thing or two about the technique.”

“I don’t really think that’s how it works.” Ren thought back to the many massages he had received from Kawakami. They were very invigorating, but he was too distracted by how good they felt to recall enough to duplicate the effects.

“I’m sure there’s nothing to worry about” Yusuke said. “Haru does spend quite a bit of time gardening. I’m sure raising new life takes a refined, gentle touch.”

“Thank you for your vote of confidence, Yusuke-Kun!” Haru stood over Ann and fluttered her fingers.

* * *

“Yes, we understand” Ren said in the phone. “We’ll try to keep the noise down.”

Ann lay face down on the bed, barely able to let out enough breath for a whimper.

“No, I understand. If I owned a hotel I wouldn’t want my guests to think there was a murder happening either. Thank you. Goodnight.”

“Ann-Chan?” Haru gently poked Ann’s back, causing the blonde’s leg to twitch. “Are you ok?”

“I don’t get it” Ryuji said. “Ain’t Haru all proper and stuff? How’s her grip that strong?”

“You’ve never seen her pull weeds.” Ren hung up the phone. “Ann? Are you still with us?”

“Can somebody cast a healing spell?” Ann asked through the mattress.

“Sorry, Metaverse is still gone.”

“Ok then.” Ann held her arm out towards the group and waved her hand. “You guys go on to the next round. I’m just gonna lie here for a bit.”

“I don’t think we should” Makoto said.

“No, it’s fine.” Ann turned her head to face the group. Her face was stained with tears and she was giving a clearly-fake smile, her voice weak. “I just need to rest for a bit. I don’t wanna be the girl who ruined everyone else’s fun.”

“Technically, that would be Haru” Futaba said. “I mean, in addition to mangling you, this whole game was her idea in the first place…“

“I’m so sorry, Ann-Chan!” Haru was sporting the same frown she had when Ren turned her down, and the entire room became a den of sadness. “Please allow me to make it up to you! If there’s any permanent damage, I’ll pay for the best round-the-clock nurses, so-“

“Haru, it’s fine.” Ann managed to raise her voice a little, just wanting Haru to stop sporting that frown. “I’m sure I’ll be better by morning. If you wanna make it up to me, you guys just keep having fun.”

“Are you certain?”

Ann gave Haru a thumbs up.

“Well ok then!”

And just like that, Haru had returned to her usual chipper self and the mood in the room lightened considerably. They removed the 7 stick from play and continued, and the next round, it was Haru herself who pulled the crown.

“Darn it!” Morgana stomped his paw on the table. “When’s it gonna be my turn!?”

“Oh boy!” Ryuji rubbed his hands together. “The person whose whole idea it was to play this is King! This is gonna be wild!”

“Oh yes.” Yusuke looked at Haru with a mixture of anticipation and concern. “I can’t help but imagine that you had a specific command in mind when you suggested this game, Haru.”

“Well, I did, but given recent events, I’m thinking that having one of us attempt to lift the rest of us above their head at once may not be such a good idea…” Haru tilted her head back and forth a few times as she thought, her hair jostling with each shift in position. “I think I’m going to choose something kind.”

“Like what?” Ryuji asked. “Givin’ someone a hug or somethin’?”

“No, Ryuji-Kun! Something even more wonderful!” Haru beamed at the group. “I want Number 3 to tell Number 1 something they love about them!”

“How delightful.” Yusuke showed the 1 stick. “I can see how this game can bring friends closer.”

“You gotta be kidding me!” Futaba threw her popsicle stick on the floor. “Now I gotta compliment Inari!? Why do I keep getting the raw deal with these doubles commands!?”

“Come on, Futaba,” Ren said, “I’m sure you can think of one thing you like about Yusuke.”

“Can’t I just get hit in the face again?”

“There’s no disobeying the King, Futaba-Chan!” Haru pointed at Yusuke. “Get to it!”

“Uuuuggggh…”

Futaba stood up and looked Yusuke in the eye with an intensity usually reserved for raids with her guild. She crossed her arms and spoke matter-of-factly.

“I appreciate how tall you are.”

“You do?” Yusuke looked at Futaba in surprise.

“Yeah. You can reach things on high shelves. It’s useful.”

“Futaba-Chan…” Haru frowned at the bespectacled hacker. “That’s not exactly in the spirit of what I was-“

“You know,” Yusuke said, “now that I think about it, old women at the market are often asking me to reach things for them. I suppose, in a way, it’s a community service.” Yusuke smiled at Futaba. “Thank you for noticing.”

“Well, it’s not quite what I was aiming for, but so long as Yusuke-Kun is happy, I suppose this is fine.”

Sticks were returned, shuffled, and drawn again. This time, Ren was King.

“Oh dear.” Makoto took note of the smirk forming on Ren’s face. Her boyfriend had left and Joker had entered the building. “What are you think-“

“Number 4 pants Number 2” Ren said.

“Oh my.” Yusuke held up the 2 stick. “Well, I suppose this is karmic balance for the last turn. Very well, then.” Yusuke stood proudly, putting his hands on his hips. “Crass though it may be, I will not resist. Number 4, do your worst.”

“You asked for it!”

Morgana jumped at Yusuke, swiping at his belt buckle with his paw. Through some deft movements of his claws, the belt came undone and Yusuke’s slacks slid down.

“MY EYES!” Futaba screamed. Makoto and Haru also yelped, although Makoto’s was more out of shock and Haru’s out of amusement. Ren and Ryuji both started laughing wildly. Morgana looked up at his handiwork and went silent, mouth agape.

“Huh?” Ann looked over to the scene from the bed, Yusuke’s back turned to her. She immediately took notice of the lifelike design on his underwear. “Why’s Yusuke’s butt grey?”

“Remarkable, isn’t it?” Yusuke looked over his shoulder to Ann. “Ordinarily I don’t give novelty items like this the time of day, but these boxers display the pelvic area of Michelangelo’s David. How could I not want such a momentous artistic masterpiece displayed on my person?”

“Pull your pants back up!” Futaba was covering her eyes. “I don’t wanna see that! I don’t even wanna think about you and your Mara! God, it’s burned into my brain!”

“Agreed.” Makoto was more composed than Futaba, but was still averting her eyes from Yusuke. “Yusuke, the dare has been completed. Please put your pants back on.”

“No!” Ren shouted. “As King, I decree that Yusuke must keep his pants down for the rest of the game!”

“Dude…” Ryuji gave Ren a disturbed look. “Do you really wanna keep lookin’ at THAT?”

“It’s a matter of principle” Ren said. “There’s no point to pantsing somebody if they’re just going to pull their pants back up.”

“I think it’s amusing, myself.” Haru giggled as Yusuke kicked his pants off his legs, resigning himself to his fate. “Tell me, Yusuke-Kun, have you ever seen the David in person?”

“As much as I would love to, I’m afraid I’ve not yet had the pleasure.” Yusuke sat down, the shifting position of his legs thankfully hiding the front of his underwear from view. “It’s hosted in the Galleria dell’Accademia di Firenze, and I don’t have the resources to take a trip to Italy.”

“I see…” Haru started mumbling to herself, and while nobody could clearly hear what she was saying, Ren was pretty sure he heard the word ‘birthday’ in the mix. When she was finished, she gathered the sticks again and everybody drew.

“No fair!” Morgana glared at the crown stick in Ren’s hand. “You can’t be King twice in a row! It’s supposed to be my turn!”

“It’s not about turns, Morgana.” Ren spun the stick in his hand like he would a knife sometimes. “It all comes down to luck. And luck’s just on my side.”

Morgana grumbled something, but Ren couldn’t hear it. He was still twirling the stick in his hand.

“Number 3 and Number 6…” Ren stopped spinning the stick in his hand and grinned. “Trade clothes.”

A minute passed and a ruckus could be heard from the bathroom.

“These shorts don’t cover the legs at all! They’re practically underwear!”

“These dumb polka-dot tights snagged again! How do you wear these all the way up!? It's such a pain covering the entire leg!”

“This jacket is a size too small for me, I think. I can’t even get it over my shoulders!”

“That’s how I wear it anyway! This fancy coat is sweltering! Are you cold-blooded like a lizard!?”

Futaba and Haru finally emerged from the bathroom, wearing each other’s outfits. Haru’s winter apparel was comically oversized for Futaba, with the sleeves of her coat drooping over the hacker’s fingers and the fur collar covering her mouth. She was walking awkwardly, her legs closed together, shuffling her feet forward a little at a time, clearly uncomfortable wearing a skirt.

Haru had the opposite problem, all of Futaba’s clothes a little too short for her. The tee shirt didn’t cover everything, leaving her navel exposed. The short shorts were on, but seemed to be giving her a wedgie, and Haru was shivering from all the skin exposed by Futaba’s wardrobe. Haru walked forward awkwardly, all her movements hampered by the clothing pinching her body. Internally, Haru was grateful that Ren had agreed she and Futaba didn’t have to trade underwear, because if she had tried to squeeze into Futaba’s training bra she doubted she’d be able to breathe at all.

The two took their seats, but not without difficulty. Futaba was finding it difficult to assume her normal squatting position with all the extra fabric bunching up on her, and Haru could feel fabric trying to strangle her skin with every movement. When they finally did sit down, Ren had to take Haru’s place running the stick-drawing, and started shaking the popsicle sticks around.

When everybody drew (Ren handing sticks to Haru and Futaba, who were having trouble moving), Ren wound up as King for a third time in a row. Against Morgana’s protests, he made another decree.

“Let me think… Number 1 should do Number 5’s make-up.”

“ARE YOU SHITTIN’ ME!?”

Ryuji stared dumbfounded into the mirror Makoto held. The make-up had been applied very sloppily. The eyeliner was trailing off towards his ears, one cheek had much heavier blush than the other, and the lipstick was smeared all around his mouth as if a toddler did it.

“It’s already bad enough that I had to wear make-up, but you couldn’t even do a good job of it!?”

“It’s not my fault you wouldn’t hold still”! Makoto yelled back.

“Ain’t you girls s’posed to be good at this makeover stuff!?”

“Like you’re an expert on the female gender!” Makoto crossed her arms. “Women aren’t attracted to a man who goes off over every little thing, you know.”

“Like I’d ever go out with a girl who effs up my face like this!” Ryuji pointed to his mouth. “Look at me! I look like a damn clown!”

“You two can argue about this later.” Ren had already started collecting all the popsicle sticks before Haru could, shaking them up for the next round. “Let’s keep this game moving!”

“What’s got you so eager all of a sudden?” Morgana eyed Ren suspiciously.

“Just having fun. Nothing else to it.”

As everybody reached for the popsicle sticks, Morgana kept watching Ren. More specifically, Ren’s eyes. There was a familiar shimmer to them, and he noticed Ren was using a bizarre amount of focus on the popsicle sticks. Just before Ren’s fingers made contact with a popsicle stick, Morgana’s paws shot out and clamped around it, claiming it for himself.

“YES!” Morgana loomed over the cup, not actually having withdrawn his stick yet. “I’M THE KING NOW!”

“You haven’t even looked at your stick yet” Makoto said. “How can you tell?”

“Because I don’t have to be lucky to tell when somebody’s cheating!” Morgana drew the popsicle stick, revealing it did indeed have a crown on it. He pointed it towards Ren. “Especially when they’re using their thief eye to keep being the King!”

“He did what!?” Futaba yelled through the fur of Haru’s coat pressing against her tongue.

“Dude, not cool!” Ryuji’s disappointed face was hard to take seriously in the moment.

“I am very… disappointed in you… Ren-Kun” Haru said through strained breaths.

“How unbecoming.” Yusuke crossed one of his bare legs over the other, the design of his boxers coming into view in the process.

“Boo…” Ann stuck out her hand and gave Ren a thumbs down.

“As King, I declare that Joker must spend the rest of the night sleeping out on the balcony!” Morgana said.

“Hey, time out!” Ren glared at Morgana. “You can’t single a person out like that!”

“This seems like the kind of game where rules can change by the will of the group” Makoto said. “Wouldn’t you say so, Haru?”

“Yes, Mako-Chan.” Haru ignored the pain of the constricting outfit and gave Ren a wicked smirk. “Especially where cheaters are involved.”

“Hey, wait a second, I-“ Ren was cut off by Yusuke and Ryuji each grabbing one of his arms. “What are you guys doing!?”

“The King’s orders are absolute” Yusuke said.

“This is your punishment, dude.” Ryuji sighed as they dragged Ren towards the door to the balcony. “You shouldn’t’ve gotten greedy.”

“You guys can’t make me sleep outside all night! It’s cold out there!”

“It’s 12 degrees, far above freezing” Makoto said. “You’ll live.”

Ren was roughly shoved out onto the balcony, the door slamming and locking before he could step back inside. Feeling the chill of the night air, he looked up to the sky above the countryside, where the stars were visible plain as day, unlike in Tokyo. All in all, it had been a hell of an evening. Yusuke had become indecent, Haru couldn’t breathe, Futaba was overheated, Ryuji looked like a clown, Ann was going to be sore for a week, Makoto wouldn’t be able to look anybody in the eye for a week, and now Morgana was on a power trip and Ren was stuck sleeping out in the cold until sunrise.

Still, it beat sitting around at his parents’ house waiting for another dull day at his dull old school to start.


End file.
